T for me was always something that I was imprisoned by and yearned to heal, not a badge of honor to be worn with pride. Never so. When I have (rarely, this share included) talked about my deeply violent and abusive origin it shocks many because it is not public knowledge and it is not what I want to be known for. After years of flashbacks, atrophy, hormonal disregulation, etc etc etc my daily devotion has been to profound healing and simply walking with compassion in the world. Survival. Gentle survival. It has not been the action of drawing piteous attention to the dark and violent parts of my life I’d only wish never happened for some sick social benefit.
I really appreciate this essay - you’re saying here what so many of us feel: what twisted version of power coddles, accepts and then promotes ‘trauma’ as something to be cherished? Well, those that make trillions from it are a start for sure.
Thank you for answering the call and supporting in the ways that you do. I live today because of you and your kin.
Though this feels like an oblique response to such a generous sharing of yourself, I kept wondering the same thing throughout reading it, so I figure I'd might as well honor my curiosity and ask. The question is Heather, do you have a daily devotional ritual? Do you have steps/stages/objects? Or is it something you allow yourself to lead and by led by in different ways each day? I know from having clicked over to your website once or twice that you lead retreats, so I can assume your practice is at least above "willy nilly" level, but I am currently trying to set an intentional morning routine and trying to figure out if its better to have a set ritual or just set the time and see where it leads me? Probably too big of a question for a comment section, but eh why not.
Also, thank you for your comment and I am humbled by your sharing of this. It is truly a gift to be able and allowed to do the work I do.
An intentional morning routine is beautiful, and I support you in this. I do the same though when I'm very tired I undertake practice in the evening. For me, it is about permission to greet each day fully as I am. I have been meditating and journeying for many years (and guide others into these practices as you might have guessed from my work). I suppose there are some steps - sitting and moving, settling my body. Sipping tea. Blanket around shoulders. Lighting of candle. Deep intentional breathing. If I can't sit I lie down. No mandates just the willingness to show up for myself and my benevolent ancestors for a short while.
I bring whatever I am carrying (physically, emotionally, spiritually) to my altar (I sit at an altar on the floor. It's not fancy, just a little table, but it is a special and specific space). I light a candle and I pray in silence (for the most part) asking my benevolent ancestors and guides to join me. It is a spiritual practice to be sure and one that has grounded me deeply into my own heart. It is gentle and spacious though I do set a timer for boundary (I could sit there all day sometimes, other days it's hard to sit at all so the timer is supportive).
When I was first embarking into trauma therapy my daily practice mostly consisted of me crying/screaming/shaking/weeping/teeth grinding... you know the deal. It took a lot of support and many years to settle into safety in my nervous system, to settle my 'monkey' mind, and to trust that there was support in the unseen world. My spiritual practice has been a profound blessing. Never forced. Calm and steady. A place for me to be fully as I am - and has helped me to bring more of my fullness to the world.
Blessed be your courage to share your voice and speak directly in the ways you do. We need this medicine to cut through the farce and the lies. We need healers who are courageous as you are.
You're writing is excellent and funny. You obviously hate humanity and should quit your job, but this internal crisis you are going through is great fun to read about in your own words. (irony emoji)
Traumatized people need lawyers, guns, and money, just like the rest of us.
And yeah, whatever the word "trauma" means, the fact of a vocal minority of unhappy people who are conceptually getting off on the wrong foot is bad.
I'm sure you know about Gabor Mate's public thoughts on this.
Missed your comments lol. Yeah Gabor Mate's approach is kind of interesting because he kind of goes against the grain on a lot of this stuff but has a sort of NPR-affectation and a culturally ambiguous name and presentation. I don't think a lot of people actually listen to him, they just assume based on his credentials and audience demographics that he is right when I often interpret what he is saying to be more aligned with my own thoughts than the crowds.
T for me was always something that I was imprisoned by and yearned to heal, not a badge of honor to be worn with pride. Never so. When I have (rarely, this share included) talked about my deeply violent and abusive origin it shocks many because it is not public knowledge and it is not what I want to be known for. After years of flashbacks, atrophy, hormonal disregulation, etc etc etc my daily devotion has been to profound healing and simply walking with compassion in the world. Survival. Gentle survival. It has not been the action of drawing piteous attention to the dark and violent parts of my life I’d only wish never happened for some sick social benefit.
I really appreciate this essay - you’re saying here what so many of us feel: what twisted version of power coddles, accepts and then promotes ‘trauma’ as something to be cherished? Well, those that make trillions from it are a start for sure.
Thank you for answering the call and supporting in the ways that you do. I live today because of you and your kin.
Though this feels like an oblique response to such a generous sharing of yourself, I kept wondering the same thing throughout reading it, so I figure I'd might as well honor my curiosity and ask. The question is Heather, do you have a daily devotional ritual? Do you have steps/stages/objects? Or is it something you allow yourself to lead and by led by in different ways each day? I know from having clicked over to your website once or twice that you lead retreats, so I can assume your practice is at least above "willy nilly" level, but I am currently trying to set an intentional morning routine and trying to figure out if its better to have a set ritual or just set the time and see where it leads me? Probably too big of a question for a comment section, but eh why not.
Also, thank you for your comment and I am humbled by your sharing of this. It is truly a gift to be able and allowed to do the work I do.
An intentional morning routine is beautiful, and I support you in this. I do the same though when I'm very tired I undertake practice in the evening. For me, it is about permission to greet each day fully as I am. I have been meditating and journeying for many years (and guide others into these practices as you might have guessed from my work). I suppose there are some steps - sitting and moving, settling my body. Sipping tea. Blanket around shoulders. Lighting of candle. Deep intentional breathing. If I can't sit I lie down. No mandates just the willingness to show up for myself and my benevolent ancestors for a short while.
I bring whatever I am carrying (physically, emotionally, spiritually) to my altar (I sit at an altar on the floor. It's not fancy, just a little table, but it is a special and specific space). I light a candle and I pray in silence (for the most part) asking my benevolent ancestors and guides to join me. It is a spiritual practice to be sure and one that has grounded me deeply into my own heart. It is gentle and spacious though I do set a timer for boundary (I could sit there all day sometimes, other days it's hard to sit at all so the timer is supportive).
When I was first embarking into trauma therapy my daily practice mostly consisted of me crying/screaming/shaking/weeping/teeth grinding... you know the deal. It took a lot of support and many years to settle into safety in my nervous system, to settle my 'monkey' mind, and to trust that there was support in the unseen world. My spiritual practice has been a profound blessing. Never forced. Calm and steady. A place for me to be fully as I am - and has helped me to bring more of my fullness to the world.
Blessed be your courage to share your voice and speak directly in the ways you do. We need this medicine to cut through the farce and the lies. We need healers who are courageous as you are.
You're writing is excellent and funny. You obviously hate humanity and should quit your job, but this internal crisis you are going through is great fun to read about in your own words. (irony emoji)
Traumatized people need lawyers, guns, and money, just like the rest of us.
And yeah, whatever the word "trauma" means, the fact of a vocal minority of unhappy people who are conceptually getting off on the wrong foot is bad.
I'm sure you know about Gabor Mate's public thoughts on this.
Missed your comments lol. Yeah Gabor Mate's approach is kind of interesting because he kind of goes against the grain on a lot of this stuff but has a sort of NPR-affectation and a culturally ambiguous name and presentation. I don't think a lot of people actually listen to him, they just assume based on his credentials and audience demographics that he is right when I often interpret what he is saying to be more aligned with my own thoughts than the crowds.
It is my honor to care for you and others like you, especially because I know you would easily do the same for me.