Well said. I enjoyed the cathartic release required due to the frustrations of the modern world. As you say not much has changed. Even from 2000 years ago. I read John 8 this morning and could feel the frustration there. Not facing the truth of the darkness within, they stood blindly before the light of truth that Jesus brought. Eventually, shortly, Jesus will arrive again, so I don’t want to be apathetic toward the truth now, for one day I will be know as I am known.
Ultimately this is the only scoreboard that matters. We get so pulled in so many different useless directions, so many charlatans claiming that it is a different game we are playing other than spiritual salvation. The obvious ones have always been there: wealth, vanity, pleasure. But there is at least something new under the sun; a sort of mania around the self-glorification of our own harms. As if being harmed automatically endows us with special knowledge. Getting through harm, processing it, understanding it - yes there is gold to spin from that straw. But if all we are doing is naming traumas as stamps on a passport, then there is no work there. It is abandonment of work, in fact. It is leaving the “real” work sitting out on the table, unused and untapped.
Maybe it’s ignorance, maybe it’s growing up in violence, maybe it’s the near death experiences, or maybe it’s the decades of authentic shadow work… I’m not scared.
Curious and confused, yes. Saddened, devastated often, yes. But fearful? No. I trust myself to never yield my mind and heart to the madness. I trust myself to diligently model health and sovereignty, as hard and sh*tty as it can be sometimes. Perhaps this piece is not aimed towards me but towards those that suckle from the numbing teat of the overculture. The masses. The hivemind? Watching from my edge dwelling position I can see how calling in fear as a tool for awakening could be useful for sure. Scaring someone into presence is a tool used by some Buddhist monk communities.
Some of the eastern philosophies are helpful with this, I feel. The karmic requirement to learn or remain in the cycle, that we’re all somewhere along the spiral of awakening, and, the necessity of stillness and detachment from the collective thoughts and ideologies that would seek to see one controlled, to arrive at a sane place.
I like the rawness of this writing. I can feel the pain underneath the fear stretching its icy fingers through the words and scratching at my face.
Taking breaks from the onslaught is a worthy use of one’s time these days, I feel. To collect ourselves, to feel ourselves, and to hear our own thoughts.
Thank you Heather, and I wanted to say first of all I was checking to making sure I was a paid subscriber to you, but I don’t think you have that option, so it may have showed up as me unsubscribing and resubscribing - apologies!
Thank you for this comment, and I am heartened by what you say. I have done much work on my shadow, always more to be done. I have found lately that there is a release in admitting fear, as I have come to understand that fear sits at the heart of so many other feelings that are used to rationalize what is an essential fear. I think it is important for men especially who are conditioned to deny fear. While we have many who would suggest other sources of men’s failings these days, or citing a sort of “emotional diarrhea” as a cure for it, I think that it is in admitting fear and vulnerability and from that place building the power of what could be called courage. Paradoxically it takes a small dosage of that courage to start the road to the transcendent courage of facing off with (and eventually making peace with, usually, the shadow).
I am working on admitting the fear, but I will not succumb to it. There is something to naming the feeling; it levels it and throws a lasso around it. I can struggle with it now. But first I have to name it.
Much gratitude to you for always taking the time to see me.
So so beautifully articulated and named H.P. Such a breath of fresh air to read something so pure. Such truth and power in claiming one’s vulnerability; I hold that with tender hands. I will return to read this response many times and I feel a resounding yes around men being able to claim fear and being guided towards their truths, their divinity, and being able to find true courage despite the over culture’s corrupted desire to diminish and destroy them. Thank you again for modeling this vulnerability for others and please know there are many of us who support men in finishing and claiming their divine masculinity.
And no worries at all on the Substack subscriber stuff, all is well, to be sure.
Well said. I enjoyed the cathartic release required due to the frustrations of the modern world. As you say not much has changed. Even from 2000 years ago. I read John 8 this morning and could feel the frustration there. Not facing the truth of the darkness within, they stood blindly before the light of truth that Jesus brought. Eventually, shortly, Jesus will arrive again, so I don’t want to be apathetic toward the truth now, for one day I will be know as I am known.
Ultimately this is the only scoreboard that matters. We get so pulled in so many different useless directions, so many charlatans claiming that it is a different game we are playing other than spiritual salvation. The obvious ones have always been there: wealth, vanity, pleasure. But there is at least something new under the sun; a sort of mania around the self-glorification of our own harms. As if being harmed automatically endows us with special knowledge. Getting through harm, processing it, understanding it - yes there is gold to spin from that straw. But if all we are doing is naming traumas as stamps on a passport, then there is no work there. It is abandonment of work, in fact. It is leaving the “real” work sitting out on the table, unused and untapped.
Great comment and thank you
Maybe it’s ignorance, maybe it’s growing up in violence, maybe it’s the near death experiences, or maybe it’s the decades of authentic shadow work… I’m not scared.
Curious and confused, yes. Saddened, devastated often, yes. But fearful? No. I trust myself to never yield my mind and heart to the madness. I trust myself to diligently model health and sovereignty, as hard and sh*tty as it can be sometimes. Perhaps this piece is not aimed towards me but towards those that suckle from the numbing teat of the overculture. The masses. The hivemind? Watching from my edge dwelling position I can see how calling in fear as a tool for awakening could be useful for sure. Scaring someone into presence is a tool used by some Buddhist monk communities.
Some of the eastern philosophies are helpful with this, I feel. The karmic requirement to learn or remain in the cycle, that we’re all somewhere along the spiral of awakening, and, the necessity of stillness and detachment from the collective thoughts and ideologies that would seek to see one controlled, to arrive at a sane place.
I like the rawness of this writing. I can feel the pain underneath the fear stretching its icy fingers through the words and scratching at my face.
Taking breaks from the onslaught is a worthy use of one’s time these days, I feel. To collect ourselves, to feel ourselves, and to hear our own thoughts.
I’m here for what you share next.
Thank you Heather, and I wanted to say first of all I was checking to making sure I was a paid subscriber to you, but I don’t think you have that option, so it may have showed up as me unsubscribing and resubscribing - apologies!
Thank you for this comment, and I am heartened by what you say. I have done much work on my shadow, always more to be done. I have found lately that there is a release in admitting fear, as I have come to understand that fear sits at the heart of so many other feelings that are used to rationalize what is an essential fear. I think it is important for men especially who are conditioned to deny fear. While we have many who would suggest other sources of men’s failings these days, or citing a sort of “emotional diarrhea” as a cure for it, I think that it is in admitting fear and vulnerability and from that place building the power of what could be called courage. Paradoxically it takes a small dosage of that courage to start the road to the transcendent courage of facing off with (and eventually making peace with, usually, the shadow).
I am working on admitting the fear, but I will not succumb to it. There is something to naming the feeling; it levels it and throws a lasso around it. I can struggle with it now. But first I have to name it.
Much gratitude to you for always taking the time to see me.
So so beautifully articulated and named H.P. Such a breath of fresh air to read something so pure. Such truth and power in claiming one’s vulnerability; I hold that with tender hands. I will return to read this response many times and I feel a resounding yes around men being able to claim fear and being guided towards their truths, their divinity, and being able to find true courage despite the over culture’s corrupted desire to diminish and destroy them. Thank you again for modeling this vulnerability for others and please know there are many of us who support men in finishing and claiming their divine masculinity.
And no worries at all on the Substack subscriber stuff, all is well, to be sure.
*finding not finishing… that’s autocorrect doing its thing.